If I Don't Reveal Some Truths, I Feel Dishonest: Is That Wrong?
A couple of weeks ago, I attended a meeting of about eight management consultants over breakfast in San Francisco. During my brief introduction, I shared a truth about my effort to restart my consulting practice that was shut down in 1995. Afterwards, my good new friend Roberta told me: "you shared too much personal information; that's not professional. No one needs to know that you're just restarting your practice." Firm, confident and loving. I think some of what she said was absolutely right.
So, why am I still confused?
Because, lurking in the frontal lobe of my being is a crazy idealist. My thinking on my situation: "if I don't share who I really am, at every chance I get, I'm not making myself vulnerable. So what? Well, if I'm not making myself vulnerable, I'm missing an opportunity to model the practice and give someone else a chance to make him or herself vulnerable, too."
In the Community Building (CB) world, the term is "emptying:" unburdening myself of my cherished beliefs, my fears. It helps me to be real and, yes, this idealist thinks we'd all be better off if each of us were more real, more genuine. Real, known, genuine: it's who I want to be all of the time. Not a facade or a mask: me.
One of my mentors M. Scott Peck called the process "disarming" and he was good at it. It helped him to allow others to relate to him, to take him off the pedestal that all of us created for him. He was human, and pretty good at it most of the time.
What's this crazy stuff got to do with business? I have believed for a long time that all of our institutions are in a crisis of trust, among other problems. The Church has tarnished its image; the traders on Wall Street; the Enrons of the world; our sports figures doping to get ahead. We figure on, we count on our leaders lying to us: Weapons of Mass Destruction. Ha.
What would be so wrong with being honest and genuine, real? Would it cause a different crisis? Could you imagine an auto purchase where the salesman says: "We paid GM $10,000 for the car and we're supposed to mark it up to $15,000. I'm only allowed to give you a $1,000 discount. Will that do it?" What's so great about hiding everything? I've never understood that.
For me, going to that extreme, I could negotiate fees: "well, I have this mortgage, health care and I'm saving for retirement and I've gotta buy food for my kids and, given the fact that I can only bill about 50% of my time per year - because a lot of the time, I'm selling or getting educated, etc. -- I need this many dollars per hour..."
I might be taking this idea to an extreme or...off a cliff. The point I'm trying to make is that if I have to sacrifice being real, I don't want to do the "professional thing." You know, put on some mask of how well I'm doing, what big projects I've got and the prestigious clients I'm serving. Yes, I could say all of that about the past -- because I did do a lot of that -- but it's not the case for now.
I know that my good friends will tell me I'm being too idealistic, too utopian: quixotic. They're right. And, they're wrong. This world needs a lot of help and I'm committed to doing my missionary work, one person, one introduction at a time. Even if it's not "professional," I'm going to remain committed to being who I am, to being real, to being misunderstood even though that is never my intention. I will commit to being an irritant to the status quo that, I believe, is not suiting any of us, let alone the planet, very well.
And, now, I've stepped down from my soapbox and have to question my decision to share this thinking. Is it too risky? Of course. I'll send it anyway.
george@theapgconsulting.com
APG Consulting Website
A couple of weeks ago, I attended a meeting of about eight management consultants over breakfast in San Francisco. During my brief introduction, I shared a truth about my effort to restart my consulting practice that was shut down in 1995. Afterwards, my good new friend Roberta told me: "you shared too much personal information; that's not professional. No one needs to know that you're just restarting your practice." Firm, confident and loving. I think some of what she said was absolutely right.
So, why am I still confused?
Because, lurking in the frontal lobe of my being is a crazy idealist. My thinking on my situation: "if I don't share who I really am, at every chance I get, I'm not making myself vulnerable. So what? Well, if I'm not making myself vulnerable, I'm missing an opportunity to model the practice and give someone else a chance to make him or herself vulnerable, too."
In the Community Building (CB) world, the term is "emptying:" unburdening myself of my cherished beliefs, my fears. It helps me to be real and, yes, this idealist thinks we'd all be better off if each of us were more real, more genuine. Real, known, genuine: it's who I want to be all of the time. Not a facade or a mask: me.
One of my mentors M. Scott Peck called the process "disarming" and he was good at it. It helped him to allow others to relate to him, to take him off the pedestal that all of us created for him. He was human, and pretty good at it most of the time.
What's this crazy stuff got to do with business? I have believed for a long time that all of our institutions are in a crisis of trust, among other problems. The Church has tarnished its image; the traders on Wall Street; the Enrons of the world; our sports figures doping to get ahead. We figure on, we count on our leaders lying to us: Weapons of Mass Destruction. Ha.
What would be so wrong with being honest and genuine, real? Would it cause a different crisis? Could you imagine an auto purchase where the salesman says: "We paid GM $10,000 for the car and we're supposed to mark it up to $15,000. I'm only allowed to give you a $1,000 discount. Will that do it?" What's so great about hiding everything? I've never understood that.
For me, going to that extreme, I could negotiate fees: "well, I have this mortgage, health care and I'm saving for retirement and I've gotta buy food for my kids and, given the fact that I can only bill about 50% of my time per year - because a lot of the time, I'm selling or getting educated, etc. -- I need this many dollars per hour..."
I might be taking this idea to an extreme or...off a cliff. The point I'm trying to make is that if I have to sacrifice being real, I don't want to do the "professional thing." You know, put on some mask of how well I'm doing, what big projects I've got and the prestigious clients I'm serving. Yes, I could say all of that about the past -- because I did do a lot of that -- but it's not the case for now.
I know that my good friends will tell me I'm being too idealistic, too utopian: quixotic. They're right. And, they're wrong. This world needs a lot of help and I'm committed to doing my missionary work, one person, one introduction at a time. Even if it's not "professional," I'm going to remain committed to being who I am, to being real, to being misunderstood even though that is never my intention. I will commit to being an irritant to the status quo that, I believe, is not suiting any of us, let alone the planet, very well.
And, now, I've stepped down from my soapbox and have to question my decision to share this thinking. Is it too risky? Of course. I'll send it anyway.
george@theapgconsulting.com
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